Tag Archives: Mental Health

To be positive, compassionate and a bringer of good tidings is always the best path

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016Sometimes I believe we all focus way too much on the negative side of life and our own faults. We tend to put way to much importance on those negative things and we do so to the point of leaving very little time for the positive things in ourselves and our lives. Negative things and thoughts become a distraction from the good things in life and the goodness within our hearts and minds. We should give less priority to those negative thoughts and things and put more effort in being positive and enjoying life. It seems like it so much harder to help others when you are overwhelmed with worries and negativity, and when you do good for others the weight of the negativity in your life seems a lot lighter. Fear, worry, sadness and hate just wear you down and they weigh down the heart. They consume all of your time as well as your energy, they are the robbers of happiness and life. Being a positive influence and doing good things such as helping others can raise your spirit as well as your energy levels. Plus the more positive thoughts and actions you put into action the more positivity comes into your life.

Why allow the negative things in life to bring you down, doing so does not change the situation and it just adds to the grief as well as your stress. To be positive, compassionate and a bringer of good tidings is always the best path to follow for it brings you happiness and inner peace. Life will always have its ups and downs but how you decide to react to both is what determines how happy you will be.

We are at our best when we let compassion and love be our guides through life.
Raymond Barbier

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Send positivity back to the source

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Negativity, something we all must face from sources both inward and externally. How does one deal with negativity? I know of only three ways of dealing with negativity either you absorb it , avoid it or try to convert it to positivity. Absorbing it or internalizing it causes too much stress on one’s body and mind, avoiding it which is my first choice usually is a very hard thing to do. Converting it is  to temporarily absorb it and to convert it into positivity in the hopes of returning the positivity to the one who sent the negativity. The third choice is not easy to master and takes quite a bit of effort but in the end is the best choice. Not only do you rid yourself of the negativity but you send positivity back to the source which will dilute the negativity remaining in it.  Also I notice if you are very positive minded and charged it seems to repel a lot of negativity and usually attracts more positive people. There of course is always a few negative people who charge straight at the positive, they seem to find some kind of enjoyment out of causing others to suffer along with them. I guess the old saying is true “Suffering Loves Company”…

I am but a student of life and am still in search of better ways to face the problems of modern life as well as the human dilemma. I share what I find and hope to learn more as I go and grow. I never claim I know the only answer or even the right answer, I just relay what I have found to work and so far has proven to be true. For I am only a fool seeking to be a sage who looks for fellow travelers along the way.

 

Peace and Love to all

Raymond Barbier

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Change, acceptance and fear

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003 Since the time we are born we sought out the approval of our family and peers, the path of life we choose to follow is heavily influenced by the opinions and attitudes of our family unit and our peers at school or work. Even though we are solitary beings in thought we tend to become attached to the ideals and values of those we are closest to. Of course we have our own personal spin on those values and ideas but the core of them were taken from the close circle of influence we have.  Good thing about human beings is they can change their core beliefs mid stream and change their direction if not their whole life path. Usually the older we get the less we look to others for approval and or acceptance and learn to be more independent in our views. Still the base core of the beliefs we had in our youth influences our lives. The dependence on the acceptance of a social group and or their approval can limit us from reaching our full potential . We wind up spending too much energy trying to make everyone around us happy as well as trying to gain their acceptance. A lot of us waste too much time trying to figure out why we are not accepted, liked or successful. We tend to believe  since we are not liked or accepted that we are either broken or something must be wrong with us. There is nothing wrong or broken within us, and usually we are more accepted and liked than we tend to perceive. Our fear and negative thoughts are blinding us to the truth that everyone is imperfect and that each one of us are both accepted and rejected by the world around us. Even the most popular people in society have those who dislike them and don’t accept them into their social groups.

I believe that we all must learn not to put so much time and energy into being accepted or liked and focus more on being the best person we can be. No matter what cards fate has dealt you in life you have the potential to be happy as well as the ability to change the things in your life that you don’t like.  Change of course is not an easy thing because the first thing you have to do is change your own mindset, you have to let go of the thoughts that make you believe your stuck or unable to progress beyond your current position in life. That is one of the hardest demons to wrestle with and usually it will not surrender easily. Once that is out of your way you just have to take the first step towards your new life. You will face obstacles and even have some set backs but you will make it to the destination if you keep determined. Self growth and self-improvement is a personal experience and there is no one out there other than yourself that can change the person you are or decide where your going in life. Others can only aid you or try to slow you down but that is all they are able to do. Don’t worry about acceptance and or social status, don’t make life too complicated and be true to yourself. Be who you are and shed the shackles of self-doubt and live for the moment as your true self.

 

 

 

 

The first step towards happiness is Self Acceptance.

Raymond Barbier

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Fear, The Enemy of Success and of Happiness.

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tpl_7_ppl  Paranoia, self-doubt and low self-esteem are some the most difficult thought processes to correct. They play a significant role in ones chances to achieve success and in living a happy life. It seems for the most part the roadblocks to happiness stem from one troublesome root. That root cause appears to be fear, fear of failure, rejection and the fear of not being able to be in control. Fear seems to control so much of our decision-making that it controls a part if not all of our life. Though fear has its place in one’s life it is not supposed to control our life. Fear is a lot like a wild dog, once it is in the chicken coop it will keep killing the chickens until it gets tamed. Just like the wild dog, fear is something we all need to learn how to tame. Because if we allow fear to run wild it will kill our hopes and dreams before they have a chance to materialize as possible realities.

The fears we all have to face seem to be deep-rooted and they had their beginnings far in our youthful past. The worst of them usually come from our childhood and teen years. The only way I know to face such fears is to discover the time and place of origin. If we can discover the original source then we can find a way to overcome the fears hold on us.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

  In a nut shell the only way to conquer or tame your fears is to discover their root and face them head on. Once you do overcome your fears then you are on the path to becoming your true self and will be able to live to your full potential.

 

Just some random thoughts on fear

Raymond Barbier

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Not even happiness can exist indefinitely

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Emotions, friend or foe to the modem man? Both, for without emotions we would be nothing but uninspired automatons. Each emotion serves a purpose and some emotions serve several functions. Fear is meant to protect our physical body by directing us away from things that endanger our well-being. Anger serves as a protector emotion by putting us in fight mode when there is either no escape or we feel secure enough to fight. Happiness is an emotion that inspires us to be creative and social so we can grow culturally as well as socially. Sadness keeps us rooted in reality, it reminds us that loss is a part of life as well as the constant reminder of our mortality. Even jealousy can serve a good purpose, for it shows that we cherish our mate when it is over a person and inspires us to work harder so we can better our life when it is jealousy over possessions. Each one of these emotions can either serve us in a positive or negative fashion and which way it does is based on our ability to control them.

Since emotions are a necessary part of our physical experience they should never be shut off or suppressed. The negative aspects of our emotions will exist and even though we can not turn them off we can learn to make them short-lived as well as temper their impact on both ourselves and others. They must be expressed and allowed to come to fruition but they can be channeled into a less destructive way of expression. Surprising them are an unhealthy way to control them and causes a lot of physical side effects that can create an unhealthy body. This is one of the most common ways people get high stress levels, and that in turn creates health problems such as high blood pressure and mental problems such as depression and even nervous breakdowns in the long run. One way to express the negative emotions with little impact on others is to write a journal or log and express them through writing. This gives them an outlet but restricts the negative effects. Express them and then let them go, for no emotion is meant to be permanent. Not even happiness can exist indefinitely, though it would be nice to be in permanent euphoria but it would be unproductive and probably would be troublesome down the line.

Seize the moment, Leave the past and hope for the future.
Raymond Barbier

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We dig a pit in which we feel there is no escape.

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003 I see the emptiness in the eyes of others, they endlessly try to fill it with material goods and through pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately these are only temporary distractions from the emptiness they feel. The lack of meaning in their life and the absence of self-worth makes the empty feeling in them harder to overcome. What exactly is that emptiness or what causes it could be something as simple as low self-esteem or depression. It also could be the lack of spiritual fulfillment as well as not being accepted by their peers. It seems quite apparent that humans as a species require some sort of community and to be accepted in some sort of social group. We tend to be a very social species and we thrive on being  a part of such a group as well as being loved.

Sometimes we tend to create a false image of ourselves within and can not see the real person we are. We deceive ourselves into believing such negative things that we dig a pit in which we feel there is no escape. The hardest part is coming to the realization that we are not as bad off as we believe. It’s so easy to fall in to the pit but it is very hard to climb our way out. It is one of things that it probably took you many years to create such a negative self-image and it will take some time to teach yourself to have a more positive image. There are many methods of building self-confidence as well as improving your self-image such as attending religious meetings, meditation, exercise and even writing poetry or a journal.

Every day is but one more step in your personal journey through life and each step leads you forward in your self discovery.  If you search within to find out who you really are you may just find that you are far better person than you once believed. For we seem to be a far stricter judge upon ourselves as well as or actions than we are on others. We have to look at ourselves like we look at friends and family. Judge ourselves with compassion like we do those we love and care about, knowing no one is perfect and to expect perfection from ourselves or others is just plain illogical to say the least. To remember your past mistakes is wise but to punish yourself over them is foolish. We paid the price for the mistakes shortly after we committed them and guilt shouldn’t last beyond a few day to a week. Forgiving ourselves and others seems to be one of the hardest things to do., but it is a necessary part of our life.

Well enough of my Psycho-babble Nonsense.
Peace and Love to All
Raymond Barbier

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Be true to who and what you are.

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023  Be true to yourself, do not hold back the real you within. The person you are that you hide from the world in fear of not being accepted or being the odd man out. If you put on a mask in order to fit in or to be liked then all you’re doing is living a lie. Appearing to be what you’re not is the most ineffective means of being happy. Withholding your true feelings out of fear or not expressing your true opinion is but a quick way to both low self-esteem and unhappiness.

There will always be those that don’t like you no matter what you say or do. I ask, does it matter if they like you or not if they wont like you for who you really are? The people who like the real you are the only true friends you have. those who seem to like you because you put on a mask or because you pretend to agree are not friends at all. Plus it is nothing but a disservice to them if you are not being the real you and so is falsely agreeing with them .

There is no pride in being the social actor and yes man/woman. Be proud of who and what you are, for you are a unique and special individual. You have purpose and you are an important part of this world we live in. Every one of us are unique and we are all special in the fact we are part of the great experience called life. Worry not so much about the opinion of others for the only opinions about you that matter is your own.

Focus on your good points and learn to overcome the shortcomings you can and accept those you can’t. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you make and avoid repeating the same ones over again. Learn to love yourself as well as others, For we all are human and we all make mistakes.

Be true to who and what you are.
Raymond Barbier

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Live life instead of just trying to survive

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002 I look back on my life and see the days,weeks and years I wasted in depression, denial and in self-deception. How many times I lived my day to please others or longing for approval by my peers. Always looking for my happiness through those around me and ignoring if not neglecting the one person that can make me happy, “ME”. Others may be able to contribute to my happiness along with my unhappiness but the decision to be happy  is mine alone. The opinion of others can be a double edge sword for some will like you and others will either despise you or be jealous of you for some stupid reason or another. The only persons opinion you should care about when it comes to yourself is your own. If you do not like, love or appreciate yourself  then no one else will either.

All that time I wasted worrying about if I met the standards of those I cared about and if I was good enough to be where I was in life could have been spent trying to be the best version of the real me. If a person does not accept you for who you truly are then that person is not one that will ever accept you and you should move on. Being we all have both good and bad points to our personalities and that we all make mistakes along the way I can see no reason why we all can’t just accept each other as who we really are. Too many masks we have to wear in our daily lives to satisfy the many people we interact with. Shed the masks and be yourself, succeed and fail as the real you and refine your better qualities while trying to control the less needed ones.

By being your true self you may find that people will like you even more than before and those that don’t wont matter as much to you once you accept yourself as is. One thing I do believe is each and every one of us are unique and possess our own strengths if not special qualities. Figure out your strong points and find your unique abilities and use them to their fullest. Live life instead of just trying to survive, enjoy the simple things and avoid making life more complicated than it really is.

Well that’s just some of my thoughts for you to think about.

Peace be your guide and be yourself.

Raymond Barbier

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Take out the trash

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028  Self image is both the creator and destroyer of ones happiness.in life. Without a good self image and some self confidence its very hard to keep a positive attitude or to maintain any level of happiness. Low self esteem is the major cause of self doubt, poor self image and some forms of depression, if one wishes to be happy one must elevate their self esteem and create a positive self image. The problem is most people have so much emotional and mental garbage stored in their memories it makes it a very hard task to achieve any type of good self image or self esteem.

  First thing we must do in order to create a positive self image and to elevate our self esteem is to take out the trash. We have to face each and every negative thought about ourselves and either accept them or disprove them. Those that are factual and accepted then must be overcame or learned to be an accepted fault within ourselves. I have noticed that if I make a mistake it is far worse a crime than if someone else does. I am far more severe on myself than I would ever be on any other human being. This is not a balanced view of life and causes me to have a very poor self image and low self-esteem.

  Besides being a strict judge of my own life I also hold on to the judgment of others such as my parents, sibling and peers. Even though I understand that most of the judgments passed on me were usually wrong if not just exaggerated  ones, it takes time to root out those old scars and demons hidden in my psyche. I have learned that to put the hurts and pains caused by others in the past I had to forgive them as well as myself for the transgressions and misjudgments.committed on both sides. No matter who or where the scars and demons I have came from, I am the one responsible for holding on to them all these years.

  We are the masters of our own destinies and fates, external forces may effect our course but we ultimately choose our own destination.In the end. It is our own choices that form our self image and effect our self esteem. Freewill does not come without a cost and nor does it come without rewards.

  Enough of my babbling for today.
Peace and Love be your Guides in life
Raymond Barbier

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Just some babbling about the self and happiness

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014 I often have wondered what is the secret to a happy life and for the most part the answers seemed to change with each situation I experienced during the course of my life. So needles to say the answers I thought were correct were just reflections or shadows of the true secret. The real question is if there is a secret to living a happy life or not. Obviously no one can be happy 100% of the time and I am not even sure that only one secret or answer could be found to the question.  The main thing I have learned is one must let go of the prioritization of the self and its desires. The self is the most time and resource consuming part of being a sentient being. Since the self must exist in order for one to be self aware / sentient then we must learn to restrain its ever present demanding voice.

The tendency for humans to be selfish and self centered is basically a natural part of our psyche and though it can not be totally avoided it can be muffled or muted. Therefore Discipline of the mind is also one of the secrets of a happy life, for without mental discipline the self would become center of all and selfishness would be the main controlling factor in our daily lives. To sustain the self and to take care of its needs is something we must do, but to fulfill its wants and desires is something we can all together control or avoid. The self  usually is like a little child who is spoiled and gets all he or she wants with no restriction. In a disciplined mind the self learns that not all it wants will be fulfilled and that there is higher priorities that must be focused on.

Having concern for the welfare of others seems to be somewhat instinctual to most humans though I have noticed a few people who seem to have no concern for others. This is probably because they allow the self to take high priority to the point of selfishness and become apathetic to the concerns of things that are not of any benefit to themselves. For most of us though the welfare of others usually plays at least a small part in our lives if not a major one. Being social creatures that seem to group up to survive and thrive makes the welfare of others a necessity in maintaining the group.

Maybe a lot of the problem in modern society is that not everyone has a social place, there is a lot of people who are just transient social outcasts. People that are either not accepted by the social circles of modern society or who never could find where they belong. Without purpose socially they seem to either become a social ostrich or turtle by hiding their head in the sand and or retracting into their protective shell. This makes them feel unwanted or unneeded so they float from one social circle to the other having no purpose or destination.

So I guess the secret to happiness is to find your place in society and be needed as well as being satisfied with what blessing you have. To care for others and put the self second to the more important things of life. Maybe there really isn’t no real secret or just one formula to happiness, maybe the secret is to find your own path to walk.

Well enough of my truly random thoughts and babbling

Peace

Raymond Barbier

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