Tag Archives: Self-esteem

an invitation to be kind or to smile

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p10328 To be true to yourself, to be who you are and be happy with yourself and to realize that what others think matter very little in the long run. That is one of the paths to self-assurance and a healthier self-image, a self-esteem built upon the real you not the reflection of you off of others. One of the hardest thing to quit or correct is ones tendency to rely on others for both our self-worth and our happiness. No one can add or remove either your worth or happiness besides your own self. The illusion someone else can make you happier or make you a better person is one most of us fall for. The truth is that you make yourself happier and a better person and the other person is either an inspiration or a guiding force towards both. Yes they can help fuel the happiness within you and help you find the better person within you through their guidance or just their kindness, but the choices to be happy or to improve yourself is solely yours and requires your effort alone to bring them about.

A child’s smile can knock on the door of your kindness and then you can open the door in return. The child’s smile was an invitation to be kind or to smile you have to choose to comply or not. The choices of who and what you are and can become are yours as well as the power to make the changes.  The only time an outside force can change you and your life is if you give it the power to do so.  So be true to yourself and be who you are as well as love who you are. Do not let the negativity of others affect you or damage your self-worth. For in Gods eyes we all are precious and he loves all of us equally. And no man can take away the gifts God has given and has promised to us all. Besides our own will and choices Only God’s will can directly change us into a better person and bring us happiness.  Let God’s love and kindness flow through you and seek out his will and the path he set out before you. Try and surrender to his will as well as put aside your own.

God Bless

Raymond Barbier

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Beyond the trap of following the social ideals

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newprofilepic  Low self-esteem seems to very common place in America now days, seems a good percentage of the population have little if no faith in themselves or their abilities. Some of this is created by the family environment during the early years of our social and personality development.  But it seems that he age of mass media has the greatest effect on our self image and in turn it affects our self-esteem. Being bombarded with unrealistic thin supermodel females and overly muscle-bound males would make any average man or woman feel inadequate or sub par. Too much focus has been on the physical and not enough on the actual mental and emotional side. What one looks like does not dictate who they are or what they can achieve in life. The truth is that what society considers beauty changes decade to decade. There was a time when a heavy-set woman with pale skin was considered  very sexy and tall thin men were the hot item on the market. Unfortunately we seem to always look to society to choose for us what is sexy or not. This creates a lot of self-image problems for the majority of us that are just average looking . Until either society gets real or we as individuals get beyond the trap of following the social ideals we are handed we will be dealing with a lot of low self-esteem.

The truth is each and every one of us have their own ideal of what we consider attractive and/or sexy.  Not all men like skinny model types or bombshells and not every woman wants a Weight lifter. In the end the physical beauty fades and only the personality and heart remains. So it seems we should be more concerned with what one is inside than what they look like on the outside. Though I believe we all are beautiful and that being sexy is more an attitude than a look. For god does not make ugly things, only mankind labels things as such. Is it possible that we judge others negatively in order to try to hide our own faults?

 

 

“If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence it is only because you have not taken care of the lawn you have.”

Raymond Barbier

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Fear, The Enemy of Success and of Happiness.

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tpl_7_ppl  Paranoia, self-doubt and low self-esteem are some the most difficult thought processes to correct. They play a significant role in ones chances to achieve success and in living a happy life. It seems for the most part the roadblocks to happiness stem from one troublesome root. That root cause appears to be fear, fear of failure, rejection and the fear of not being able to be in control. Fear seems to control so much of our decision-making that it controls a part if not all of our life. Though fear has its place in one’s life it is not supposed to control our life. Fear is a lot like a wild dog, once it is in the chicken coop it will keep killing the chickens until it gets tamed. Just like the wild dog, fear is something we all need to learn how to tame. Because if we allow fear to run wild it will kill our hopes and dreams before they have a chance to materialize as possible realities.

The fears we all have to face seem to be deep-rooted and they had their beginnings far in our youthful past. The worst of them usually come from our childhood and teen years. The only way I know to face such fears is to discover the time and place of origin. If we can discover the original source then we can find a way to overcome the fears hold on us.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

  In a nut shell the only way to conquer or tame your fears is to discover their root and face them head on. Once you do overcome your fears then you are on the path to becoming your true self and will be able to live to your full potential.

 

Just some random thoughts on fear

Raymond Barbier

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We dig a pit in which we feel there is no escape.

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003 I see the emptiness in the eyes of others, they endlessly try to fill it with material goods and through pharmaceuticals. Unfortunately these are only temporary distractions from the emptiness they feel. The lack of meaning in their life and the absence of self-worth makes the empty feeling in them harder to overcome. What exactly is that emptiness or what causes it could be something as simple as low self-esteem or depression. It also could be the lack of spiritual fulfillment as well as not being accepted by their peers. It seems quite apparent that humans as a species require some sort of community and to be accepted in some sort of social group. We tend to be a very social species and we thrive on being  a part of such a group as well as being loved.

Sometimes we tend to create a false image of ourselves within and can not see the real person we are. We deceive ourselves into believing such negative things that we dig a pit in which we feel there is no escape. The hardest part is coming to the realization that we are not as bad off as we believe. It’s so easy to fall in to the pit but it is very hard to climb our way out. It is one of things that it probably took you many years to create such a negative self-image and it will take some time to teach yourself to have a more positive image. There are many methods of building self-confidence as well as improving your self-image such as attending religious meetings, meditation, exercise and even writing poetry or a journal.

Every day is but one more step in your personal journey through life and each step leads you forward in your self discovery.  If you search within to find out who you really are you may just find that you are far better person than you once believed. For we seem to be a far stricter judge upon ourselves as well as or actions than we are on others. We have to look at ourselves like we look at friends and family. Judge ourselves with compassion like we do those we love and care about, knowing no one is perfect and to expect perfection from ourselves or others is just plain illogical to say the least. To remember your past mistakes is wise but to punish yourself over them is foolish. We paid the price for the mistakes shortly after we committed them and guilt shouldn’t last beyond a few day to a week. Forgiving ourselves and others seems to be one of the hardest things to do., but it is a necessary part of our life.

Well enough of my Psycho-babble Nonsense.
Peace and Love to All
Raymond Barbier

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Be true to who and what you are.

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023  Be true to yourself, do not hold back the real you within. The person you are that you hide from the world in fear of not being accepted or being the odd man out. If you put on a mask in order to fit in or to be liked then all you’re doing is living a lie. Appearing to be what you’re not is the most ineffective means of being happy. Withholding your true feelings out of fear or not expressing your true opinion is but a quick way to both low self-esteem and unhappiness.

There will always be those that don’t like you no matter what you say or do. I ask, does it matter if they like you or not if they wont like you for who you really are? The people who like the real you are the only true friends you have. those who seem to like you because you put on a mask or because you pretend to agree are not friends at all. Plus it is nothing but a disservice to them if you are not being the real you and so is falsely agreeing with them .

There is no pride in being the social actor and yes man/woman. Be proud of who and what you are, for you are a unique and special individual. You have purpose and you are an important part of this world we live in. Every one of us are unique and we are all special in the fact we are part of the great experience called life. Worry not so much about the opinion of others for the only opinions about you that matter is your own.

Focus on your good points and learn to overcome the shortcomings you can and accept those you can’t. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you make and avoid repeating the same ones over again. Learn to love yourself as well as others, For we all are human and we all make mistakes.

Be true to who and what you are.
Raymond Barbier

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Take out the trash

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028  Self image is both the creator and destroyer of ones happiness.in life. Without a good self image and some self confidence its very hard to keep a positive attitude or to maintain any level of happiness. Low self esteem is the major cause of self doubt, poor self image and some forms of depression, if one wishes to be happy one must elevate their self esteem and create a positive self image. The problem is most people have so much emotional and mental garbage stored in their memories it makes it a very hard task to achieve any type of good self image or self esteem.

  First thing we must do in order to create a positive self image and to elevate our self esteem is to take out the trash. We have to face each and every negative thought about ourselves and either accept them or disprove them. Those that are factual and accepted then must be overcame or learned to be an accepted fault within ourselves. I have noticed that if I make a mistake it is far worse a crime than if someone else does. I am far more severe on myself than I would ever be on any other human being. This is not a balanced view of life and causes me to have a very poor self image and low self-esteem.

  Besides being a strict judge of my own life I also hold on to the judgment of others such as my parents, sibling and peers. Even though I understand that most of the judgments passed on me were usually wrong if not just exaggerated  ones, it takes time to root out those old scars and demons hidden in my psyche. I have learned that to put the hurts and pains caused by others in the past I had to forgive them as well as myself for the transgressions and misjudgments.committed on both sides. No matter who or where the scars and demons I have came from, I am the one responsible for holding on to them all these years.

  We are the masters of our own destinies and fates, external forces may effect our course but we ultimately choose our own destination.In the end. It is our own choices that form our self image and effect our self esteem. Freewill does not come without a cost and nor does it come without rewards.

  Enough of my babbling for today.
Peace and Love be your Guides in life
Raymond Barbier

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BE Yourself

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P Society

Image via Wikipedia

Be Yourself, Never allow the opinions of others change who you really are. Each one of us are unique individuals and each of us have our own special way of interacting with life. Our uniqueness is what makes us human beings a creative species. Who you are is who you were meant to be, no matter what the society, government or religious institutions believe. We have flaws and we have blessings, that is what being human is all about.

Why try and change yourself to fit in what they call the social norm when who and what you are is far more special and unique than to be a uniform drone of society. Too many times I watched the bullies of the so called in crowed push down the unique and good people who where not social conformers. Too many times I watched some of the nicest people I’ve known be bullied until they repressed their true selves or felt they were inadequate and useless.

Some of them survived and thrived as time went on others had their futures squashed by low self esteem and poor self image created by society. If society does not like who I am it can go on without me, I will not try and conform to what their ideal person is supposed to be. In history if you look close it was the ones who were outside societies norm that made the great inventions and discoveries. They chose to walk their own path and discarded any social pressure to conform. This made them free to reach their full potential and bring some of the greatest world changing discoveries and inventions.

Peace to all and to all a Merry Christmas

Raymond Barbier

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