One of the biggest enemies of success and happiness is doubting ourselves and having the lack of confidence in our ability to choose. Walking through life with fear and without self-confidence makes for a very unhappy life. Without self-confidence we become wandering and unfocused, we have no direction in life.
What creates self-doubt and causes our self-confidence to dissipate? There are internal and external forces that play a part in such, most of the time it is either a period of time that we failed more than we could handle or we were told repeatedly by our peers that we were in some way deficient or inferior to others.
More than likely it was a combination of those two along with other experiences in our lives. I myself had to face my peers being degrading and did not accept me for who I was as a teen and child. As teens humans are quite cruel, though I do not think poorly of any of those whom played a part of such. When you’re a teen there is a lot of pressure to fit in, to be cool and it is when we develop our social skills. It is all part of the process of growing up and finding your place in society.
Regardless of where the self doubting began or how it took root within your mind matters less than how to correct such improper and negative thinking. First off if you have any anger or hold any grudges against anyone who was a part of the problem, you have to forgive them and let them go in order to release yourself from the negative emotions tied to the experience. Those negative emotions will do nothing but block you from moving forward.
I have found many of those whom were mean or those who acted poorly towards me in my youth grew up to become some of the greatest people one could know. Also sometimes those who we thought were being mean really were nice people who were trying to keep from suffering the same fate as we faced. Fear of rejection or the fear of not being accepted is one of the most common fears among youths and some adults as well.
To rebuild ones confidence is not simple nor is it a quick task to complete. If you have friends and family that are supportive, those in your life that frequently give you praise or show gratitude for your efforts you should surround yourself with those kind of people. You should when possible avoid negative people who tend to bring you down emotionally, especially the ones that try to belittle you. In time once you rebuilt your confidence it wont matter much what others say be it complimentary or demeaning.
In life one must learn that to lean on others is not a sign of weakness but that it is a sign of wisdom. Humanity would have been extinct a long time ago if we didn’t learn to lean on one another and to combine our strengths as a group. Rebuilding confidence is different for each one of us, what works for one may not always work for another. But to seek help is wise and to find your own path is the best way.
I wish you well on your Journey Through Life and I leave you with a Quote from John Donne’s Meditation XVII:
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.
~John Donne: Meditation XVII