Tag Archives: Selfishness

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Random Thoughts 11-8-2022

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To love someone is to accept them as who they are, be there to help them if they need and accept their love and help in turn. Too many people think love is all about what they want in a relationship or how the other person should be. Love is more about what you can do for the other person, it’s more selfless than self-serving. Being in a relationship means being a partner not a boss or critic of the other person and learning to work together to make life better for you both.

Every person has faults and a negative side, and as long as the relationship isn’t abusive in nature you should work around those bad traits and try to help one another through them. Even an abusive relationship may have hope as long as it is not one that is intentional and severe, but I would avoid staying in an abusive relationship due to the risks involved to one or both parties.

People forget how fortunate they are to have a partner in life, and the easily forget how hard it is to stand alone for most of us out there. Being a person who spent up till about his 30s being alone, I do know how hard it is to face life alone, it may not be impossible, but it sure is nicer when you have someone by your side to help you through it and someone for you to help as well.

The Ego is one of the biggest roadblocks to a happy relationship, being stuck in that what about me, I want kind of mentality makes it hard to put your relationship first and your partner before yourself. If both sides follow the rule of putting the other before themselves in the end neither side will ever be without or be found lacking that which they need.

The ego, Self-centered mentality spawns in us as children, and in time it usually fades in most people, but some never outgrow that mentality and it makes it hard to have a good relationship for and with them. We all have a little of that selfish side in us, most of us learned how to put it in check for the most part.

Usually getting married and having children teaches most of us how to be more selfless, though not all of us are blessed with that fate, and some even who have been still don’t grasp the concept of putting those you love before yourself. I think we should just apply the golden rule to relationships, Treat your partner as you would love to have them treat you. If we all followed that rule in our love relationships and even in everyday ones, this world probably would be a much nicer place to live in.

Well, the concept is nice, and may just be an unrealistic hope of a dreamer, but one must keep hope in this world. Peace and blessings to you all

Ray Barbier

Personal, Poems and Writings, Political, Random Thoughts, Thought of the day, Thought's on World Issues

Thoughts and ponderings on 10/28/2013

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"I Got Mine"

Selfishness, Something we all suffer with and are affected by in one way or another. Being selfish is second nature to human beings, our self-awareness makes it so easy to focus on ourselves and less on those around us. We have to have some actions and thoughts focused solely on ourselves to survive and live  within this world, it  is the lack of selflessness  and love for others that is the main problem. The less we focus on the wellbeing of others the more self-centered and selfish we become. No matter how much we lie to ourselves and believe this world was made just for us alone and that things should be as we alone see as right, the fact that the world is and life is a shared experience can not be denied.

Simply put, we are all in this together and the more we see this truth and work together to have a peaceful existence the better off we all are. Regardless of our differences in culture,beliefs and personal opinions we all are basically the same. We all need food, shelter and decent standard of living to be happy and healthy. Unfortunately the balance of wealth and standards of living are out of whack, so few have far more than they need and so many are left wanting at the roadside of life.  Forcing the wealthy to give up what they have for the sake of others is not the answer, forcing something only causes resentment and leaves them seeking ways around doing so. The best method is trying to change their heart and mindset, help them see the benefits of being charitable and in being compassionate to their fellow humans. Either way you go more than likely the divide between the  haves and have not’s will remain quite large.

We should focus on helping one another and not on who has more to give and who don’t. If enough of us work together to make a change in the balance of wealth and living standards we can make a difference if not start to tip the scales towards a more equal distribution. Even in countries where the governments tend to stand in the way of an equal and balanced standard of living there is hope if the citizens work together. The bottom line is, To change the world we must first change the hearts and mindsets of those in power and those who have the resources. Without that, we still can achieve change but it will be a long and painful road to travel.

War is not an answer to any situation, Diplomacy only works if it is sincere and both sides are willing to sacrifice for the good of the many. Peace is not the result of war but the lack of war.

Raymond Barbier

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A Fork in the Road

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Concept Lately the cycle of life has really sped  up around me, so many pregnancies and people either dying or getting life threatening diseases. This world is speeding up and we are heading towards a fork in the path we are going down. One of the paths ahead is to a dismal and foreboding future of selfishness, greed and eventual depletion of natural resources. The other path though will be rocky and hard to follow leads us as a species to a future of peace, equality and the saving of our wonderful planet and home called earth. We can not continue to walk through life with a selfish and/or apathetic heart, we have to become humble, compassionate and take care of this world we live in. We are all on this rock together and not one race, religion,country or individual has any more or less rights to live here. We are all equal and are equally responsible for our home and the life forms that live within it.

MP900408941 Some of the rich and powerful believe they are superior or at least deserve a better life than the average and impoverished man. This is just plain selfish and heartless thinking and not true, it isn’t about wealth, power or even physical prowess but it is about the spirit and the heart. The common and impoverished are not as naïve or  as uninformed as the rich and powerful believe. We are waking up and seeing that we are not being treated equal in taxation and not being represented equally in our governments. Eventually the meek shall awaken out of their groggy state of mind and will help bring some of the change needed. Sometimes I see big business as a kind of bully, they raise prices to gain huge profits with no concern about if the average person can or can not afford it.  Nothing matters but the profit margin and the bonuses they get each year. They fill their banks with money that was earned by underpaid worker’s in both their home country and 3rd world countries .  I understand the need for profits, but to be too greedy and have no care about the workers or the consumers who helped build that wealth is just not a good business model. Eventual things will become so costly that only the rich will be able to afford to buy anything beyond just food. And since the rich are just a small percentage of the whole consumer base there will be a lot of businesses failing.

Human eye with the recycling emblem inside<br /><br />File contains gradientsThough not all of the current financial crises is the fault of big business a lot of it falls on the consumer as well by using credit to purchase items they can’t really afford to have as well as buying luxury items that they could have lived without. Then the credit card companies also have their part in the mess as well as the mortgage lenders. There is many reasons why our world is in such a financial mess and the blame falls all across the board. The solution will also have to come from each level of the financial pyramid in order to fix it all. Greed and Envy seem to be the root of most of the mess, the businesses want more money and the consumer wants to keep up with the people next door.

We better change direction and choose the better path in the fork ahead, if we don’t our children, grandchildren and the generations afterwards will be living in a very dark future. We need to take care of the imbalance of wealth and start taking care of our home.

Just a rant of a middle-aged man.

008

Raymond Barbier

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What our definition of happiness is may differ

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008 I am who and what I am, full of faults and shortcomings that I have learned to accept. I am no stud or intellectual giant but I have finer points that few ever see or notice. My uniqueness is something I treasure and will never hide from others. I used to be so concerned about what others thought of me, but I have learned that what they think about me is less important than what I think about myself. I have leaned to love me for who and what I am. Take me for what I am or do not take me at all, for I am the sum of all my experiences though life and the person I have become within. I am an ever changing and growing person and I embrace the fact I can and will make many mistakes along this path of life I walk. By accepting myself as is I also have learned to accept others for who and what they are. Not one person can be perfect nor can they be accepted and/or liked by everyone. I learned one of the greatest gifts one can give and receive (besides Love) is forgiveness. For forgiveness is one of those things that usually return to you 7 fold down the line. Just like Jesus taught us, we must love and forgive freely and not be swayed by anger or envy. Selfishness is one of the biggest enemies of being happy and living a full life. Selfishness keeps us from loving and forgiving others, it keeps our focus on ourselves and not on the world in full. We may be individuals but we are also a part of a huge family called humanity. We must learn to love and accept ourselves before we learn to love and accept those around us. Love is something that starts as a seed within and grows outward and so is all the other emotions related to it. To love yourself is not to be selfish it is to be selfless, for loving yourself leads to loving others and is a required first step towards happiness. There is always going to be someone you have a hard time liking but this does not mean you can not love them is a general sense. There have been many who I have not liked so much in my life but I still loved them as a human being.  Hate the sin not the sinner and love the person but not their faults or actions.

I am who I am and you are who you are, We are two unique people with different views but both of us want the same thing and that is to live a happy life. What our definition of happiness is may differ but we both still long for and strive towards that same goal. I pray and hope you will find that happiness as much as I hope I find mine.

Not one person is alike, yet we all desire to be happy.

Raymond Barbier

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Random Thoughts

Just some babbling about the self and happiness

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014 I often have wondered what is the secret to a happy life and for the most part the answers seemed to change with each situation I experienced during the course of my life. So needles to say the answers I thought were correct were just reflections or shadows of the true secret. The real question is if there is a secret to living a happy life or not. Obviously no one can be happy 100% of the time and I am not even sure that only one secret or answer could be found to the question.  The main thing I have learned is one must let go of the prioritization of the self and its desires. The self is the most time and resource consuming part of being a sentient being. Since the self must exist in order for one to be self aware / sentient then we must learn to restrain its ever present demanding voice.

The tendency for humans to be selfish and self centered is basically a natural part of our psyche and though it can not be totally avoided it can be muffled or muted. Therefore Discipline of the mind is also one of the secrets of a happy life, for without mental discipline the self would become center of all and selfishness would be the main controlling factor in our daily lives. To sustain the self and to take care of its needs is something we must do, but to fulfill its wants and desires is something we can all together control or avoid. The self  usually is like a little child who is spoiled and gets all he or she wants with no restriction. In a disciplined mind the self learns that not all it wants will be fulfilled and that there is higher priorities that must be focused on.

Having concern for the welfare of others seems to be somewhat instinctual to most humans though I have noticed a few people who seem to have no concern for others. This is probably because they allow the self to take high priority to the point of selfishness and become apathetic to the concerns of things that are not of any benefit to themselves. For most of us though the welfare of others usually plays at least a small part in our lives if not a major one. Being social creatures that seem to group up to survive and thrive makes the welfare of others a necessity in maintaining the group.

Maybe a lot of the problem in modern society is that not everyone has a social place, there is a lot of people who are just transient social outcasts. People that are either not accepted by the social circles of modern society or who never could find where they belong. Without purpose socially they seem to either become a social ostrich or turtle by hiding their head in the sand and or retracting into their protective shell. This makes them feel unwanted or unneeded so they float from one social circle to the other having no purpose or destination.

So I guess the secret to happiness is to find your place in society and be needed as well as being satisfied with what blessing you have. To care for others and put the self second to the more important things of life. Maybe there really isn’t no real secret or just one formula to happiness, maybe the secret is to find your own path to walk.

Well enough of my truly random thoughts and babbling

Peace

Raymond Barbier

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