Author: Ray Barbier

What is insecurity and why do most people suffer with it in one form or another? Insecurity is usually caused by the lack of acceptance by our peers or the lack of confidence in our own selves. When we are not accepted by our peers we tend to see ourselves as dysfunctional or inferior in one way or another. We tend to value the opinions of others over our own. We allow the opinions of others to control our own self perception and that can create a very negative self image. Though other peoples opinions will always play a part in our lives we must realize that they are opinions not facts. I have watched so many good people be held down or back from their full potential by the opinions and actions of others. Being popular or accepted may have its emotional and social rewards but the popularity can and most of the time usually is short lived.

  One should not look outward for acceptance and validation , you should look inward for if you do not accept and embrace who you are then you will never become the person that you truly can be. Each one of us has the potential for greatness within us and each of us has our unique qualities that makes us grand. Some of us have exterior beauty as a gift but that fades with time and age, but all of us have a unique inner quality that will remain with us till our time to leave this world. I guess we all strive for physical appearance and social ranking because we live in a time where everything is so temporary and disposable. We get bombarded with images of how we should look and how our life should be in the many forms of visual media available in this modern age that it makes us feel inferior or lacking in one way or another. Most of the people we see in visual media have been altered by make up, soft filters on the cameras and air brushing on the photo images. This gives the illusion of perfection and beauty that very rarely exists if at all in nature.

There is also the victim mentality that seems to be a mainstream theme in modern society, So many people feel they have been a victim in one way or another in their life. Not saying we haven’t been victimized but to hold on to the mentality of being a victim only keeps one from moving on and living life. Why waste the time we have here on earth worrying about what has happened when we could be celebrating what is now and is yet to come. Fear is another factor that seems to be a road block to happiness if it is held on to and allowed to be a daily occurrence. Fear has its place but is meant to be short lived, when we allow it to stay for too long it grows and takes control of our daily life. Living in constant fear keeps us from enjoying life the way we are meant to. As one of our presidents said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself and he was 100% right. I always like the line from the movie Dune that was Fear is the mind killer and if you really think about it that is true. Fear seems to consume ones every waking moment and thought when it is present. It makes us only focus on that which caused the fear and keeps us from thinking of the greater things in life.

Well enough of my babbling for today
Peace
R. Barbier

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   Do we limit our own selves? Is one of the main reasons we do not succeed and can not be happy the fact we don’t allow our selves to do so? I always wondered if this is a fact or just another random thought we all get that helps fuel our guilt complexes. I do believe in some cases we do set our own boundaries and limit ourselves in order to keep within our comfort zone. Some people do not like change and rather stay in a unhappy but yet comfortable life then to risk it getting worse or taking on new challenges they fear they will be unable to handle.

When we are children we set our limits and goals by the standards and expectations of both our peers and our family. We take the opinions of those around us and give them the power of authority because when we are children we take everything at face value and as true. By the time we start realizing not everything we see and hear is always true we already have set up a behavior pattern and set many of the boundaries or limits we will live by for the rest of our lives. Though some may and can change by influential experiences and by the influence of others basically they will not change much.

  Alas there is always hope because the human brain is reprogrammable and so is the limits and boundaries we have set or accepted. To change both your limits and boundaries is not an easy task because you have to basically ignore the programming long enough to set new boundaries and limits. It is kind of like a bad habit you’ve been doing for years, though difficult to break the habit it is not impossible. Look at people who smoked for over 20 to 30 years and quit. They had to not only break the habit of wanting to put a cigarette in their mouth but the addiction of nicotine. Many have succeeded in quitting smoking and so many have also failed. This shows how difficult it may be to face a habit and addiction but it also shows you can beat both if you are determined enough.

  Most of our negative thoughts and the boundaries / limits we have are basically habitual behaviors that can be overcome through time and determination.  We have to want to change our limits and boundaries in order to succeed, just like one must really want to quit smoking in order to do so. We also must realize we can achieve much more than we presently believe we can and see that we are only limited by our own thoughts and beliefs. This makes me remember a line from a song I had to sing back in a elementary choir “Nothing is impossible until you try” it was from a Thomas Edison themed school function.

  Allot of the times when I feel that I can not do more or better I look at all those in the history of mankind who overcame great odds to achieve wondrous things. People like the early colonial Americans who challenged one of the greatest military powers of the time to achieve freedom and the creation of both the constitution and the great nation of the United States.  So many historical examples of men and women who broke through their limits and boundaries to challenge the odds and win. They are proof that anything is possible if you allow yourself to be limitless and break through the boundaries set by society, peers and your own self.

  Get out of your comfort zone and discard those limits and boundaries that keep you from being all you can and should be. Be  who you want to be and beyond, bring the uniqueness of your individuality to the table of life and be proud of who and what you are. Let no one tell you you are anything but great and wonderful for we all are a par of a wonderful and extraordinary species called the human race.

Well enough of my ramblings for now
Peace and Love to you all
Ray Barbier

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   Sometimes I just sit here and think of all the friends I have known through out my life and wonder where all of they are and how they are doing now. All those friends from my childhood and teen years that I moved away from back in the late 80’s those that I hung out with after school and those that were just a school acquaintances. I wonder if any of them ever think about me if even remember me. It is very interesting how we form friendships and alliances during our youth and how easy the friendships and alliances disappear through both the progression of time and the increasing of the distance of space between. Then there are a few friendships that seem to never be effected by the test of time. I also find it funny how our memories can be distorted by time and even fade into fuzzy recollections as we age.

   Looking older is never been much an issue for me but the one thing that does bother me about growing older is the loss of the friendships I had and the slow increase in loneliness i feel due to the lack of friends. I miss having the group of friends I hung out with at times and I feel as if my world is shrinking day by day. So many friends I had have died or were lost to time and distance. I guess humans are generally social creatures and as we get older the social aspect of being human becomes less and less as we go through life. I have a few friends left from my childhood and teen years but they are far away and busy with their own lives as much as I am so we communicate less than I would like us to. This is mostly my fault due to my busy schedule so I enjoy the time I have to communicate when I can.

  Sometimes I sit here and remember the days when I and my friends had so much fun and faced the challenges of growing up together. I hope all of them are doing well and hope to see all of them at least one more time in this short life we all live. I wish them all well and that they have a great life along with happiness in their life and the lives of their loved ones.

May Peace and Understanding Guide you All Though your Lives.

Ray Barbier

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