Tag: Forgiveness

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if there is no trust then love gets twisted


002Love and matters of the heart are complicated but yet simple. The complication comes from our doubts and fear of being hurt most of the time.  Sometimes this comes from past experiences and other times it comes from the lack of experience in being truly loved. Also self-worth and doubt can be a big problem as well, but trust plays one of the biggest parts in love and happiness. One can not love someone and be loved and not trust, if there is no trust then love gets twisted into jealousy and possessiveness.

One problem is when someone trusts and loves another with all their heart and are betrayed they tend to get a very deep scar emotionally and mentally. This scar or wound is not easily healed and will tend to affect future relationships as well as any kind of reconciliation in the current relationship. Trust is not easily rebuilt after a betrayal of the heart.

Forgiveness is a key to healing, but it is not always easy to forgive when you’ve been emotionally devastated by the actions of someone you’ve loved and trusted.  We must realize though they betrayed us, they are only human and thus being are prone to be imperfect in action and thoughts. No relationship is perfect either, when you have two people who have been raised differently and had different life experiences trying to become a single  unit there is bound to be times of turbulence during the adjustment period of a newer relationship. Usually in time most differences are either remedied or put aside for the sake of the relationship.

Remember to not judge your partner too harshly, for you have faults just like they do. Compassion, understanding and forgiveness should always play a part in a relationship. Trust is the most important I believe and so is respect, respect for yourself and for your partner. No relationship is beyond repair, but there are some relationships that because of the hurt feelings , verbal and physical abuse that may be better off just letting go of and ending it than trying to save it.

Love is a very precious thing and so is the trust required to have a relationship. Think wisely before entering a relationship and work diligently to maintain and improve it. It takes some work and sometimes a long time to have a great relationship and other times you luck out and find a partner that’s like a soul mate. even those soul mate type relationships require maintenance and work to keep them going.

Life is a long journey that seems to be quickly traveled, so remember to love wholeheartedly, forgive easily and look for the silver lining in every moment you experience.

Ray Barbier

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Our differences can be what makes us strong


025 Another day has dawned, another page has yet to be written. Another chance for change and growth as long as we don’t become ego stricken. We remember the lessons of our past actions and words so that we can avoid repeating our past mistakes.  For each thought, action and word can change our course as well as raise the stakes. Each day is a gamble not a preplanned destiny or fate for us to be chained to. We are the captain of our body and mind and we choose the course we will travel through.

There are bumps in the road and potholes as well and even sometimes other people who can distract us or mislead us if we allow them to. We must keep in control and adjust course when external forces try to interfere or obstruct our way. Obstacles are but objects put there to help us gain experience and strength so worry not over them. Just deal with them and move on down the path you have chosen.

Don’t allow the woes and worries of life to influence your thoughts, emotions or behavior. To do so is to lose a part of who you are to their influence. Be true to yourself and be who you truly are without fear of rejection or ridicule. Better to be yourself and deal with the problems and perks of such than to be someone you’re not. I rather to be loved or liked by just one for being me than by thousands for being who I am not.

Try not to be judgmental of others, but if you must be then do it so with great compassion and understanding. For the way you judge others is how you shall be judged as well. Remember that not one human is perfect and that everyone else has the stresses of life and worries that are similar to your own. We all are a part of the world and  the family of humanity. We all are faulty and we all have needs, wants and desires. but when it boils down to it we all want happiness, peace and a better world for the children of today and the children of tomorrow.

We may all have different religious beliefs, political views and personal opinions but they are not obstacles they are what makes us a diverse but resilient species. Our differences can be what makes us strong instead of what makes us weak and separate. Once we accept that each person has the right to choose in what they believe or not then we can move past our intolerance of each others differences. When that time comes humanity will finally be able to work together to make this world a wonderful place to live in.

Ray Barbier

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random thoughts–1/28/2014


HPIM0319To Love others as God loves us, this is what we were taught to do yet we seem to miss that mark so easily. Why is it so hard to accept and love one another unconditionally? What makes us want to either judge others hastily and without compassion or causes us to choose to deny others love. We all want to be loved, accepted and to be a part of a group or community, but we tend to deny ourselves these things as much as we deny it to others due to our image of what we think makes one worthy of such.

The fact is we all deserve love, acceptance and to be a part of a community. God gave us his love so we could spread his love and cause it to multiply between us all. We all belong to the great community of humankind even though some people believe otherwise. No man s greater or lesser than his brother in the eyes of God nor is any person without sin or fault. To declare or to put oneself above another is but vanity and self centeredness in its purest form.

To claim to be wise usually is a sign one is a fool, to see that you are but a fool is usually the first step towards wisdom. To know thyself with out self-delusion or self-glorification is to be humble and to see the truth of what one is. I claim not to know the answers I only claim to know some of the questions and express that which I believe and understand as theoretical ideals.  I urge you to seek your own answers in life for you are responsible for what you choose to believe and what you teach others directly or indirectly.

Live life to the fullest, but do so with compassion and a charitable heart. Forgive not only others,also learn to forgive your own self, for one must face their own shortcomings and go beyond them in order to see the grace in forgiveness. Think for your self and follow not the mainstream ideology, for the path to ruin is wide and so is the path to hell. Seek the truth and be not persuaded by wolves in sheep’s clothing, for many profess to be leaders in Christ and are but men of wealth and greed.

I am but a fool who seeks to become wise, I am but a man who tries to be a good man, nothing else.

Ray Barbier

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Control your path in life


022There are those whom seek out love, acceptance and security in others, this is not a bad thing unless it is the only place you seek and find them. Some people can not find love, acceptance or security within their own being, this seems to create a very bad behavior pattern. They float from one lover to another seeking out what they think will fill the void within themselves. The void is the absence of Self acceptance, self-love and self security, even though we can temporarily fill the void with the love of a lover but it quickly disappears. It takes the love within ourselves to compliment and maintain love between ourselves and another, more or less you can not love someone else fully and completely until you learn to love yourself unconditionally.

We tend to over complicate our lives when it can be so simple and direct, Love thyself in order to love others, have compassion and forgiveness for yourself so that you can do the same for others as well. Shrink that overgrown ego to its natural and original size, for a big and boasting ego is but a mask to hide the insecure being within. Lift your self-image up to where it belongs, for you are as great and as small as any other person in this world. Take the wheel and stop letting circumstances, influences and other people control your path in life. Learn the difference between relying on others and using them as a crutch or a shield.Give and worry not about what you will get in return. Learn to balance the needs and wants of the self with the needs and wants of others. Wake up and live your life and stop walking through it in that semi sedated state in which many of us live in.

I am but a fool who seeks to understand and I find being right is far less important than knowing and finding the truth and It is the journey I see as the prize, not the destination.

Ray Barbier

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Thoughts on Love and Forgiveness


Rembrandt – “The Return of the Prodigal Son

Love, one of the greatest gifts and blessings God gave us. The love we have for family and friends and the love they have for us as well . The love for our fellow humans and the love we share with all those we interact with. So much we long for and desire, but Love is the grandest prize we can obtain and definitely the greatest gift we can give and/or share.

We were created in Love, we were saved by Gods love and we will in the end bask in his love. We should live this short life full of love and sharing it everywhere we travel. Forgiveness and Love are the two things we have the power to manifest and to spread wherever we go. We should love one another for it is commanded that we do so and it seems to be the most joyful thing we have to do in our lives. To forgive lifts the burden from both the one who forgives and the one that is forgiven.  Love  fills us with light and happiness.

Ray Barbier

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Forget about the unchangeable past and live in the now


DSC_0323bRegret, the enemy of happiness and being at peace with one’s self. Regret of the things undone, unsaid and missed out on through ones life are nothing but obstructions in one’s path to happiness. Regret that last longer than a short moment is but the lack of the ability to forgive yourself for your mistakes and/or shortcomings. If you can’t undo or make up for the wrongs you’ve done or if the opportunities you’ve missed are far gone then why waste any time or energy on them. Far as the wrongs you can bring to right and the opportunities you still can utilize they should be your main focus to accomplish. Forgive yourself, forget about the unchangeable past and live in the now, do not make more situations to regret by hanging on to the dead weight of things that are beyond you ability to control or change.

Free yourself of living in the past so you can make the most of the present, free your heart of the burdens of past mistakes to make room for the happiness, love and serenity that you deserve.

Ray Barbier

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Focus on the good and the good you can do


006 (2)To be happy one must learn to accept who they are with all of their strengths and all of their shortcomings. Being human means we will at times be angry, bitter, sad and even mean. We will make mistakes, we will hurt others unintentionally and sometimes intentionally. We must accept these facts and then learn to make them a lesser part of our daily lives. Focus on the good qualities within ourselves and learn to control the ones we see as negative or bad. We also must learn to forgive ourselves when we do fall to the darker side for even though it’s not our true nature it’s still part of who we are.

I think we put too much focus on our failings and our shortcomings, we leave little time for the better qualities to surface and for us to expand upon them. I believe if we focus more on the good qualities we have and on bringing them to the surface then we would leave little if no time for the negative ones to manifest themselves in our daily lives. Stop worrying  about what you shouldn’t have done or what you could have done and focus on what you should do now and what you should avoid doing in the future. Live in the now more than the past, focus on the good and the good you can do more than on what may go wrong or what if I fail.

What are you focusing on? The bad in your life or the Goodness you want to have and share within your life? Think positive / Good and live in the here and now.

Ray Barbier

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Life is a short thing to experience


bnf0422 Your heart can guide you rightly and it also can lead you wrong, Temper your heart  with the mind  and use the heart to empower the mind. Be humble and put the ego to the back of your mind. Be compassionate and understanding so that when it is time for your judgment , you will be judged in the same manner. Be at peace with yourself so you are able to find peace with everyone and everything else. Remember life is precious and the time we have to live is short in the scheme of things. Live in love and love to live for love is the greatest power besides faith that we have been blessed with. A love with conditions is not love, it is just a complicated emotional relationship.

bnf0424Forgiveness is easy to give, therefore forgive totally so both you and the one who you forgave can move forward.  Forgiveness frees you from the hurt and  the anger you feel and releases the one you forgive from their guilt as well. Being that life is so short I myself can not see any reason to hold on to a grudge for any length of time. It consumes way too much energy and tends to make the one who carries it unhappy and/or grumpy.

p10053Cherish each moment you have with those you love and care about for there is no guarantee that you or they will be here tomorrow.  Get off your computer, tablet and put away the game system. Get out and live life instead of hiding away in your house so much. Balance the time at home and out in the world, for you don’t want to waste time nor miss out on life since life is a short thing to experience.  Most of all remember the old saying: “Life is what you make it” and then go out and make life as complete and happy as you can.

Get out and live life, live it to the fullest and do so with compassion, understanding and love.

Ray Barbier

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Just as Jesus taught us to do, He will do for us the same.


English: Jesus Christ - detail from Deesis mos...

When we learn to put aside all our worries and stress we find that happiness is such an easy thing to obtain. As my mom always told me, let go and let God, thus let God handle all the stressful situations and let him be the source of your strength. Jesus taught if we see a neighbor or even a stranger carrying a heavy load that we should help that person carry the load. If they ask you to carry it a part of the way, you should carry it all the way. The compassion, fellowship and kindness in your heart should always inspire you to help others. Just as Jesus taught us to do, He will do for us the same. Jesus will help carry your load when you need it and he will counsel you when you are unable to discern which way to go.

We should practice compassion, understanding and kindness every day, for if we do not show any compassion, kindness or try to be understanding towards others how should we expect the same from God? The same goes for forgiveness, God through Jesus has forgiven us all and we should forgive others through Christ as well. If a person sins against you just remember you are a sinner as well, forgive him and pray for both his forgiveness as well as your own. Love the sinner and hate only the sin, we all have sin in us and none of us are worthy to enter the kingdom of God without Jesus. We also need to learn to forgive ourselves as well, we can not carry the weight of our sins and be forgiven at the same time. Christ died on the cross and was resurrected to wash or cover our multitude of sins. So you pray to be forgiven and truly repent then forgive yourself and forget your sin.

 All our strength, help and forgiveness comes from God through his Son Jesus Christ. We must remember this and thank God for that he has given, will give and even that which he has taken away.

Ray Barbier

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Trust, The lack of and its effects on Relationships


bnf0429All of us have had relationships such as friendships, family and lovers that we found ourselves loosing trust. When we lose trust in a relationship the relationship changes, without trust a relationship stays either in turmoil or becomes stagnant. It seems the one relationship that suffers the worse from loss of trust is that of lovers, even if we move on to another love relationship we tend to hold on to the hurt from the one before. When we hold on to that hurt we also bring along the mistrust of the ones we love. This is unfair to the new lover for they had not done anything to deserve the lack of trust they receive. We hurt not only the ones we love by carrying the lack of trust from one relationship to another we also hurt ourselves. We close ourselves off from the love we deserve and close off our love from those who deserve it as well. This makes both parties unhappy and it makes the relationship very unstable.

p10055 Forgiveness is the key to restoring trust, for if there is no trust between you then there is no forgiveness. Even after you have moved on to a new love you still have to totally forgive the one before so you can trust again and avoid carrying pain with you into the new relationship. The fact that no one is perfect and anyone can make mistakes along with poor choices means your always at risk of getting hurt, but if you live your life in fear of such you are not really living at all. You can not live in fear of what you can not control for it will only keep you lonely and unhappy, you should just accept the risk and enjoy each moment you are given and keep hope and faith alive within yourself and your relationships.

Just some thoughts on Trust, Relationships and Forgiveness

Ray Barbier

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