Trust, The lack of and its effects on Relationships

bnf0429All of us have had relationships such as friendships, family and lovers that we found ourselves loosing trust. When we lose trust in a relationship the relationship changes, without trust a relationship stays either in turmoil or becomes stagnant. It seems the one relationship that suffers the worse from loss of trust is that of lovers, even if we move on to another love relationship we tend to hold on to the hurt from the one before. When we hold on to that hurt we also bring along the mistrust of the ones we love. This is unfair to the new lover for they had not done anything to deserve the lack of trust they receive. We hurt not only the ones we love by carrying the lack of trust from one relationship to another we also hurt ourselves. We close ourselves off from the love we deserve and close off our love from those who deserve it as well. This makes both parties unhappy and it makes the relationship very unstable.

p10055 Forgiveness is the key to restoring trust, for if there is no trust between you then there is no forgiveness. Even after you have moved on to a new love you still have to totally forgive the one before so you can trust again and avoid carrying pain with you into the new relationship. The fact that no one is perfect and anyone can make mistakes along with poor choices means your always at risk of getting hurt, but if you live your life in fear of such you are not really living at all. You can not live in fear of what you can not control for it will only keep you lonely and unhappy, you should just accept the risk and enjoy each moment you are given and keep hope and faith alive within yourself and your relationships.

Just some thoughts on Trust, Relationships and Forgiveness

Ray Barbier

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution By license.

Just some random thoughts on a Monday (8-20-2012)

013 Material possessions may seem to be the answer to the emptiness one feels but it is only a temporary fix. The problem with materialism is the more you have the more you will want, a possession may make you feel good or happy for a short-lived amount of time. Materialism is but a means to calm your addiction to your addiction to the sensations brought on by the activation of the pleasure center of the brain. Though there is more to a human being than their biological parts, we still are bound by our body and its needs, wants and its reaction to stimuli.

Love of others and the love of the self in an unconditional manner is one of the best way to fill the void one feels within. To aid those in need and help those who are unable to help themselves is a true form of love and/or compassion. By helping others we have a purpose in life and we also are teaching others by example how to be kind, compassionate and live a loving life of peace. We should always respect the beliefs of others and also respect their wishes unless their wish is to cause harm to themselves or others. Of course their may be exceptions to that ideology but for the most part we must see the preservation of all life as one of our highest priorities. Humanity’s main goal or purpose is to propagate and to survive and without those goals being met the rest of the priorities will become null and void.

We need to overcome the illusion that one person is worth more or less than another, matter of fact all life is equally important and should be cherished. We have a carnal nature because we exist in a pleasure driven body, the fact we are creatures that love how our brain reacts to certain stimuli and that we also are creatures of habit by our nature it is a hard task to keep our desires in check. The instincts and thoughts of the things we consider pleasurable are ever-present in our subconscious and our mind tends to seek out what makes us feel good. So the fight to not be immoral is not a battle easily won, but it a battle that we must fight because we are also beings of intelligence and of spirit.

It seems all we want in life is to be happy and feel good and there isn’t really nothing wrong with that. It is all in the way we pursue our happiness and how we reach that feel good moment in life. As long as both are obtained without the degradation or the harming of another person and or our own selves then it is a good thing.

Just some random thoughts on a Monday
Ray Barbier

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution By license.

So much can contribute to ones perception of this world

015 Each day we should make it a priority to help someone in need, if the need be money, a pat on the back, a bit of your time or just an ear to listen. We are all in this world together, we need to be supportive of each other and kind to one another as well. We should always try to see things from the other persons point of view, many times what you perceived as a negative person could be a wonderful person just having a bad moment. There is always a reason for someone’s bitterness and / or anger. Just like us they could be feeling let down or maybe feel like life isn’t quite treating them right. We all go through that at times in life, because each of us differ in personality so much that misunderstandings and conflict of interests are unavoidable.  That is what we must remember when dealing with others, for we can unintentionally cause someone else grief because of a misunderstanding. So much can contribute to ones perception of this world, how one perceives it is based on the experiences and passed on beliefs they collected through their life. Even though we all have many similarities we will always perceive reality in a different way than any one else.

The differences between each of us gives humanity as a species a better chance to survive, we all have our own unique perspective on things therefore we all will come up with different solution to problems if not just variations of the same solution. Culture, family, peers, education and personal experiences makes each of us the unique individuals we are. There is no person who is better or worse than another, we are all just suited for different tasks in life. We are all a part of a machine called humanity which is a part of a larger one called life. If we could put behind us our fear of the differences between us all we could achieve almost anything as a whole. The potential for the human race is great, we must be sure to aim to achieve things that are mutually beneficial and not things that can cause grief or harm.

Random thoughts can lead to thoughts of inspiration and reflection.
Ray Barbier

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution By license.

Discipline of the mind will in turn help discipline the heart and soul.

English: Holistic health, body, mind, heart, soul

We can be slaves to our desires as well as the pleasures we seek. We also can be slaves to our emotions. We can be the master or the slave when it comes to desire, pleasure and emotion. If we choose to be the master over them they serve us and we are at peace and can find inner serenity. But if we choose to be a slave then we are at their mercy and have a very unstable life that usually is chaotic and full of woes. Even the so called positive emotions can be problematic if we allow them to be in control. They tend to cloud our judgment and create a illusionary feeling of happiness that eventually leads to disappointment in the end. Take the emotion love for instance, If you allow yourself to fall in love at the drop of a hat it either causes problems in your current relationship if your in one or it leaves you wanting every person you find remotely attractive, which will also create an uncertainty within you that only leads to loneliness in the end.

I have seen so many times where a guy or girl goes from one love to the next and as soon as they find a new one they are looking for or at another. That kind of life may have some appeal to it but in the end you wind up lonely and misjudged by people around you. Sometimes I think people like that come about from the misconception there is a perfect soul mate out there. A perfect soul mate is not something you find its something that is created after years of work between the partners. Sure there are soul mates, they will not be perfect but they will be what you need and want. They will be your best friend, lover, teacher, student and all around buddy. They will have flaws and will even be annoying at times. That is until you and the soul mate fully discover each other emotionally and spiritually. Then they morph into the perfect soul mate and you will be theirs.

But harmony between mates is hard to obtain if one or both of you are slaves to your emotions, desires or pleasures. You have to somewhat master those things in order to obtain a great life and great relationships. The body, mind and soul all crave balance and discipline, they thrive in that kind of environment. One of the obstacles in the way of being the master of your emotions and desires is the ego. If a persons ego is too big it hinders all positive progress of the mind and spirit which in turn will cause stress on the body. Self discipline is a very important key to ones spiritual, mental and physical health. The imbalance and lack of discipline in any of the three will affect the other two.The body, mind and spirit are always talked about like they are three separate things, they may be but they are like one for one always affect the other two They are all interconnected and because those three are like one is why we are the unique species we are.

For those who are in a relationship and still seek your soul mate just know the one your with more than likely is the one. You and your mate must work together and communicate with each other so that you can be the perfect soul mates for each other. Forgiveness, compromise and compassion is required in all relationships and most important is the need for unconditional love. Far as being the master or the slave of your emotions and desires, you know which path is the better of the two and you are the only one who can take control of them. Discipline of the mind will in turn help discipline the heart and soul, which will lead to the mastery of your emotions.

Love unconditionally but do not throw you love away on those who will never return it.
Have compassion for all living things and do not forget to have a little self compassion as well.

Raymond Barbier

The words you speak, the actions you take and how you treat others is what truly defines who you are

003 When our life comes to an end do you want to be remembered as the person who was angry and full of bitterness or as the person who knew no stranger and brought happiness or compassion wherever they went? Will they see you as a great loss to the community or just another poor soul they knew. So many get caught up in greed and self-satisfaction only to find themselves either disliked by many or forgotten by all those around them. No person can be positive all the time but we should strive to be positive and to be an example for others around us.  How we act and how we treat others is what we are judged on by our peers and will be the defining factor of how we are remembered after our time is up.

Though it may be a bit grim if not morbid to think about how others will remember you in the end, but that is part of being a mortal being as we humans are. All of our possessions, wealth and personal triumphs will be forgotten but how we lived our life along how we treated others will remain beyond our lifetime. Some will  wonder why would it matter what others remember you as after you die? Well I guess to some people it makes no difference, for as I am concerned it not that important but if I am remembered it would be better if it was in the positive. All we really have here on earth that no one can take from us is who and what we are and how we decide to interact with the world.

I guess the point I am trying to get across is that the words you speak, the actions you take and how you treat others is what truly defines who you are. The question is how do you want others to perceive you while you are living and how would you like to remembered in life as well as beyond the grave.  Walk through life the way you would like to be known and remembered. For how you walk through life and what path you choose is your own choice to make and so is how you are perceived and remembered.

The law of attraction says that similar things attract one another. Murphy’s law says that if it can go wrong it will. Life does not always go by the rules  and seldom does it follow any of the laws.
Raymond Barbier

To be positive, compassionate and a bringer of good tidings is always the best path

016Sometimes I believe we all focus way too much on the negative side of life and our own faults. We tend to put way to much importance on those negative things and we do so to the point of leaving very little time for the positive things in ourselves and our lives. Negative things and thoughts become a distraction from the good things in life and the goodness within our hearts and minds. We should give less priority to those negative thoughts and things and put more effort in being positive and enjoying life. It seems like it so much harder to help others when you are overwhelmed with worries and negativity, and when you do good for others the weight of the negativity in your life seems a lot lighter. Fear, worry, sadness and hate just wear you down and they weigh down the heart. They consume all of your time as well as your energy, they are the robbers of happiness and life. Being a positive influence and doing good things such as helping others can raise your spirit as well as your energy levels. Plus the more positive thoughts and actions you put into action the more positivity comes into your life.

Why allow the negative things in life to bring you down, doing so does not change the situation and it just adds to the grief as well as your stress. To be positive, compassionate and a bringer of good tidings is always the best path to follow for it brings you happiness and inner peace. Life will always have its ups and downs but how you decide to react to both is what determines how happy you will be.

We are at our best when we let compassion and love be our guides through life.
Raymond Barbier

Keeping faith, Update on Trish’s Cancer… Possible Good news.

03.365 (02.08.2009) Faith

03.365 (02.08.2009) Faith (Photo credit: hannahclark)

update: possibly it is not a tumor, ultrasounds don’t show conclusive. Waiting on Cat scan results. Keep your fingers Crossed and Prayers coming. BTW thanks to all the support from my Friends. Trish sends her thanks too. Well the next update wont be until monday. Then we should know for sure.

Keeping the faith when all is great is easy; keeping the faith when all is falling apart is true faith.

Today I am trying to keep positive in mind and spirit, even facing the news that cancer has returned into my fiancé’s life. She had Thyroid Cancer about 10 years ago and a relapse about 7 years ago and now another relapse. They are not 100% sure so they are doing a biopsy today, though it’s more than likely cancer due to where the growth is located. I am asking all the bloggers out there and my followers to send positive thoughts and say prayers for Patricia Hamblin. I place her and the cancer into the hands of god and into the hands of those who can pray. God bless you all.

Keeping the faith when all is great is easy; keeping the faith when all is falling apart is true faith.

Raymond Barbier








Send positivity back to the source


Negativity, something we all must face from sources both inward and externally. How does one deal with negativity? I know of only three ways of dealing with negativity either you absorb it , avoid it or try to convert it to positivity. Absorbing it or internalizing it causes too much stress on one’s body and mind, avoiding it which is my first choice usually is a very hard thing to do. Converting it is  to temporarily absorb it and to convert it into positivity in the hopes of returning the positivity to the one who sent the negativity. The third choice is not easy to master and takes quite a bit of effort but in the end is the best choice. Not only do you rid yourself of the negativity but you send positivity back to the source which will dilute the negativity remaining in it.  Also I notice if you are very positive minded and charged it seems to repel a lot of negativity and usually attracts more positive people. There of course is always a few negative people who charge straight at the positive, they seem to find some kind of enjoyment out of causing others to suffer along with them. I guess the old saying is true “Suffering Loves Company”…

I am but a student of life and am still in search of better ways to face the problems of modern life as well as the human dilemma. I share what I find and hope to learn more as I go and grow. I never claim I know the only answer or even the right answer, I just relay what I have found to work and so far has proven to be true. For I am only a fool seeking to be a sage who looks for fellow travelers along the way.


Peace and Love to all

Raymond Barbier

an invitation to be kind or to smile

p10328 To be true to yourself, to be who you are and be happy with yourself and to realize that what others think matter very little in the long run. That is one of the paths to self-assurance and a healthier self-image, a self-esteem built upon the real you not the reflection of you off of others. One of the hardest thing to quit or correct is ones tendency to rely on others for both our self-worth and our happiness. No one can add or remove either your worth or happiness besides your own self. The illusion someone else can make you happier or make you a better person is one most of us fall for. The truth is that you make yourself happier and a better person and the other person is either an inspiration or a guiding force towards both. Yes they can help fuel the happiness within you and help you find the better person within you through their guidance or just their kindness, but the choices to be happy or to improve yourself is solely yours and requires your effort alone to bring them about.

A child’s smile can knock on the door of your kindness and then you can open the door in return. The child’s smile was an invitation to be kind or to smile you have to choose to comply or not. The choices of who and what you are and can become are yours as well as the power to make the changes.  The only time an outside force can change you and your life is if you give it the power to do so.  So be true to yourself and be who you are as well as love who you are. Do not let the negativity of others affect you or damage your self-worth. For in Gods eyes we all are precious and he loves all of us equally. And no man can take away the gifts God has given and has promised to us all. Besides our own will and choices Only God’s will can directly change us into a better person and bring us happiness.  Let God’s love and kindness flow through you and seek out his will and the path he set out before you. Try and surrender to his will as well as put aside your own.

God Bless

Raymond Barbier