Life in itself can be quite challenging at times, trying to navigate the pitfalls in relationships and maintaining a certain level of self-respect along with good self-esteem is a hard thing to achieve. Not only do you have to endure the negative comments of peers and family, you also have to keep your own negative thoughts down as you try and keep positive. Some people are fortunate and have a great family and group of friends to help them through it all, but most have a mixed bag of supportive and semi-toxic peers and family.
In my case, I had a supportive mother but my father was not around as much as I needed and when he was he just couldn’t relate to me. My brother was one of those womanizing alpha male types who tried to dominate me and mold me into a younger version of himself. I think both my dad and brother had good intentions in their actions, just they didn’t know how to relate to or deal with me since I was more of a passive easygoing person who had some self-esteem issues.
Low self-esteem and poor self-image plagued me throughout my life. I went through the blaming my dad and brother stage until I realized that I am the one holding on to those feelings and that it was a collection of experiences I went through in life in general that contributed to the problem more than just those two people in my life. In a nutshell, my peers and family may have contributed to my poor self-image and low self-esteem but it is I who held on to it and believed the negative thoughts in my mind.
Relying on others to define your worth through their opinions is one of the key contributors to low self-esteem. Even if you don’t do that consciously, you absorb both the positive and negative opinions of your peers and family. You need to shake off the negative and start re-enforcing the positive by focusing on your positive traits. The sooner you realize you are unique and that you are just as important as everyone else in the world the sooner you will start to heal.
Be yourself, love who you are, and know that you are not lesser than any other person. You may have had different circumstances and have lived in a different environment than others, but you have the same opportunity to change yourself and succeed in life as long as you are willing to work for it. Sometimes you may have to work harder due to circumstances, but if you hang in there and give it your all you can rise above those circumstances. Just remember to be open to others helping you along the way and be there to help others along the way as well.
Comparing yourself to others is not a good way to evaluate your self-worth. Each person is unique and therefore we all will not succeed in the same way or at the same things. Instead of comparing yourself to others, find a person who inspires you, one that you would like to be like,, and strive to be similar to them. You will never be exactly like that person but you will be similar and the differences between you and that person makes you unique.
Try to avoid defeatism, stop saying you can’t do something until after you have given it your best shot. Too many people will fail at doing something without ever trying because they get stuck in the I can’t do that loop. Change I can’t into let’s see if I can or yes I can do this. You will never know if you can do something until you at least attempt to do it once. It’s far better to fail after giving it your best shot than to not try at all due to your fear of failure.
Being we all are unique and are individuals, how we have to deal with self-esteem and self-worth may vary. In the end, it is all about how you respond to the opinions of others.