I fight the inner demon of despair that haunts me every day. It feeds on the hurtful echoes of past hurts that scarred me deeply. I struggle to apply reason and logic to deal with the messy and twisted memories of the past that torment me. My self-image and self-esteem are often assaulted by self-hatred that comes from the circumstances and judgments of others in my past that made me feel unworthy and inadequate.
I wonder how I allowed such a strong enemy to enter my mind and take over my emotions and self-worth. How did I let it convince me that I am not good enough or deserving of happiness? I have achieved some goals in managing that darker side of myself, but I still have a long and hard journey ahead to find peace with myself and who I am. I still have to overcome many obstacles and challenges that test my resilience and courage.
I have to face it every day and every step until I can finally bury it for good. Each negative thought I have to challenge and scrutinize with courage, bringing out the truth and showing that most of those negative thoughts are false and have no proof to support them. I have to expose the lies and distortions that the inner demon tries to make me believe.
I am not faultless, but I am not a bad person either. I have to recognize my faults but also celebrate my good qualities. I have to acknowledge my mistakes but also learn from them. I have to remember that I am not alone in facing such things, almost everyone has that darker side trying to pull them down. But I also have a brighter side that shines with hope and kindness.
I embrace the opportunities I have to grow within myself, and I feel hopeful and optimistic because of the love of my friends and the tools I have acquired to handle that part of me. The key is to maintain a positive outlook and to appreciate the people who are with me in my journey of life. I have been overcoming this for a long time, and even though I have faced some difficulties, I have also achieved many successes.
Be Kind to yourself and others, and seek that which heals and creates while avoiding that which destroys.
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