Tag Archives: life

Random Thoughts 4/20/2022


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People wonder why there is so much low self-esteem in the world, if you take a good look at television shows, commercials, social media, movies, and even the news on cable news stations you just may see some of the reasons for low self-esteem, but then there is also how one’s family treats them, their peers and the educational system.

When you are constantly bombarded with images of thin, fit, and muscular actors, advertisements aimed to push miracle vitamins and supplements to fix all your shortcomings, it is very hard to hold on to a good self-image and even harder to build it up. Constantly being told that having a perfect body weight, toned muscles, the right clothes, and accessories makes one beautiful and successful is making it hard for most people to maintain healthy self-esteem.

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Unfortunately, fashion, the newest electronics, and possessions play a big part in teenage self-image, which makes it hard for those who don’t have the money to compete with their peers. Combining that with parents that have to work 2 jobs or inconvenient hours to maintain the quality of life they have only makes it harder on teenagers and kids.

The ones that seem to suffer the worst during school years are those that don’t quite fit the norm, the overweight, the below-average to average looking, and the sensitive passive individuals. Bullying from those who think they are cool, tougher, and better than others does not help the situation at all. The consequences of bullying are usually mild and it seems it’s hard to catch kids bullying or maybe some just overlook it.

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Parents and siblings also play a large part in the development of a child’s self-esteem, they can be either a positive or negative force when it comes to a child’s self-image. Siblings usually are competing for the parent’s attention, love and favor so they tend to be very mean to one another. Parents on the other hand usually are trying to do what’s best for the child but don’t realize what works for one child does not always work for the other. Each child is a unique individual, they have different needs and need help in different ways. Some parents, unfortunately, don’t know how to deal with their children at all so they try to treat them as if they are adults way before the child or teen is emotionally and mentally ready to do so. This usually results in conflict and the child/teen becomes rebellious and has a poor self-image.

If the low self-esteem is not addressed and corrected during the child/teen years then it is carried into the adult years. That makes it very hard for the Adult to achieve a healthy relationship with a significant other and even harder for them to become successful in the work world.

Raising kids is not an easy task, being a parent means you have to be a caregiver, advisor, instructor, friend, leader, cook, counselor, and of course an ATM for the children lol. Helping a child navigate the battlefields of youth and preparing them for the many challenges they will have to face in the future is not an easy thing to accomplish. All you can do is give it your best shot and always be there for them when they need you.

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I myself have had self-esteem issues throughout my life, I have been battling low self-esteem for many decades. I could go down a list of all the things that caused my low self-esteem but what is the use of that now that it now falls squarely on me to repair the damage and improve myself. Plus the first step in moving on and building up your self-esteem/self-image is to forgive those who helped in destroying it and letting go of your own contributions to the whole mess as well.

Just know this, there is no one better than you, but then there is no one lesser than you. We all are unique, we all have our own gifts to embrace and shortcomings that we need to deal with. There is no one on this planet that does not have some emotional or psychological baggage to deal with. How much money you have, and how many toys you have has nothing to do with who you are or how good you are. What defines you is how you live life, and how you treat others and yourself.

Being successful sure feels good, being financially well off does make life easier in many ways, but money, possessions, and success are fleeting, they can be gone in an instant. Family and friends to me are far more important along with how I treat others, and how I live my life. Those things will be with me throughout my life.

Well, I wish you happiness, remember it does not matter what others think or say about you, it is what you know about yourself that matters the most.

We all are brothers and sisters in this world


Division, The separation of the community only serves those who seek its ruin. To have anger or fear between people only divides the community and does more harm than good. When we fall into the trap of hating others because of their color or hating them due to their choice of religion and lifestyle we only cause division and damage the community we live in.
Change begins in ourselves, we have to change how we act and react to the world around us. To fight hate with hate only creates more hate to deal with. And on the other end of it, if we do nothing Hate will continue to grow as well. Seems hate is a hard thing to stop once it starts infesting people, it becomes like a runaway train. Shame Love or compassion doesn’t spread and intensify like that. When I look at the person next to me I see another human being first and then I see the differences between us. But I don’t see the differences between us as an obstacle, I see it as what makes the other person unique. Life would be very boring if everyone believed the same, looked the same, and acted just alike. It has been humanity’s rainbow of differences that kept us alive and gave us all that we have today.
Maybe one-day humanity will grow out of this desire to hold on to prejudices that serve no one in the end. Possibly one day we can forgive and leave the past in the past for the sake of the future and those that will live in it. And one day we will see there is no greater or lesser race, there is only the human race, a multi-colored, multicultural community. I Know I am just a dreamer, but just like John Lennon stated I don’t think I am the only one.
We all are brothers and sisters in this world, we only live once so let us be the best person we can be and love one another. Find happiness for ourselves and share it with all those around us. Leave yesterday behind, live in the present, and dream and hope for the future.
May Peace, love, and happiness fill your days and Compassion be the guide of your heart and mind.
Ray Barbier

The Past, The now and regret.


Thinking about the past is one way of coming to terms with where you are now and how the choices you made and also the choices you tried to avoid to make helped you get where you are today. Besides the random unfortunate circumstances we sometimes encounter, it is pretty much our choices in life that put us in the place we are today.
Holding on to regret, sadness, anger or any negitive emotion from past choices only hinders one from making better choices in the present. So feel those emotions, own them and learn to forgive yourself and others so you can move forward. Every morning you awake is a clean slate if you let it be and a new chance to make your life better and also another chance to be appositive influence on the world you live in.
For me the hardest thing to do is forgive myself of my poor choices and mistakes I had made in the past. I learned that by hanging on to such negitive thoughts and emotions I only created a negitive self image and a somewhat defeatist mentality. So now I just try to own my mistakes, face I made them and accept what is done is in the past. I also have to remind myself that I am not perfect and that I should never expect myself to be such. I Remeber the mistake, learn from it and try to forgive myself since I am just human.
Though we can not undo what we have done wrong in the past, we can how ever try to make up for those mistakes in many ways. You can try being of service to those in need and by being compassionate and caring to all. If you are able to you should also make amends to those you have done wrong in what ever way that is possible. In the end you will have to forgive yourself and also forgive others in order to free yourself up to live your life to the fullest.

Random Thoughts 7/29/2019


The world is heading down a dark and uncertain road, seems hate and fear is growing. There is so much misinformation and false news on the internet pushing the agenda of hate and division. Between the circus we call politics and the loss of integrity we are seeing in many places in business and also governments it leaves many people feeling like there is little to no hope.

You can not rely on the government or big business to do what is needed to make a better world, they can not change the world without having the power we the people give to them. Change is all in our hands, it is our choice if we love, fear , hate, understand and where the future of humanity will head.  The fate of our society is in our hand, our society can only be fixed by us.

No life is lesser or greater than another, all life is precious and each person is important. We need to stop labeling each other, we can not judge a group by the few that may have some problems. We all need to be accountable for our actions, think before we say or act. Don’t do or say anything you wouldn’t be proud of or that would be considered hurtful.

Mostly I believe people are angry that life is not always fair, most of the time life can be very unfair and cruel. Being hateful or fearful will not make life any better and surely won’t help you or anyone else in the end.  Speak out against hate and fear, put out love and understanding and seek the most peaceful and kindest way of resolving the situation before you.

I think every one of us at one point in our life has been on the wrong end of some sort of hate, be it that we were being bullied, discriminated against for one reason or another. We need to remember how it felt on the receiving end of such, so we can remind ourselves to not treat others in such a manner.

I know compassion, love and kindness are not quite popular in society, so many times those that are kind and compassionate are looked upon as weak. I think it takes someone very strong and determined to love and show compassion in a world where fear and hate seem to be the norm.

Whatever path you choose in your life is up to you and I hope you choose one of peace and love.

 

Blessings to all

Ray Barbier

Random Thoughts Nov 12th 2018


When you become Self-centered, self-absorbed and focused only on yourself, you only close out all the love and happiness that sharing and caring for others can bring. Humans are inherently social creatures and when the focus is on the family, community and the well-being of all living creatures we shine brightly as a species. Humans have the capacity to both destroy or nurture the world around them.

Too many people allow greed, self-gratification, and lust to be their high priority and leave little time or thought about the well-being of others. Possessions can and will eventually be lost, Lust is short-lived and self=gratification is usually a temporary fix for the feelings of loss and loneliness.  They serve only the self, and in the end are far more destructive than helpful.

Helping others is a way of helping the whole of humanity and even yourself, what helps the community usually comes around to help the individual. Even in times where no benefit can be found in helping others, you at least get a sense of happiness from seeing the other person doing well. Compassion, Love, and understanding are not signs of weakness, they are signs of an inner strength.

Which way and how you live your life is your choice alone, how you are thought of and remembered when your time is up on this blue planet will be the result of such. To me, I don’t see how all the money, possessions and temporary pleasures will serve me in the end. If there is an afterlife, all the money and possessions will be useless in the afterlife and those whom you helped will be there remembering your kindness.

In the end, I know we all will have some greed, self-centeredness, and lusts. The priority we give them is the thing we must focus on. We all are in this life together, we all ride on the same blue marble through space and time. So we Should be there for one another and make the ride the most enjoyable and happy one we can.

Random Thoughts Oct 20th 2018


Striving for the approval of others, living up to other people’s idea of what you should be is a waste of time if you must change who you truly are. You can not be someone you are not, you should focus on being yourself and growing as a person. Relying on being approved of by others only puts you in a position of being disappointed or frustrated. Sure when you comply and achieve what they see as acceptable you may get a short-lived burst of gratification but then you get right back to trying to earn approval again.

In the end, you just become what everyone else wants you to be instead of becoming who you want to be and who you were meant to be. Do not get me wrong, I do realize you have to accept the fact you must meet standards somewhat in order to exist in society and to make it in the workforce, but it does not mean you have to just hand over your life to either. Be yourself and find your own path to evolve upon, let others learn to accept you as you are, for if they don’t it’s not really acceptance.

Keep your integrity intact, follow your own philosophies but always be open-minded. Never allow yourself to become so rigid you can not see things from other peoples point of view. Accept yourself as is and do the same for others around you, for we all are but human and therefore we all have emotions and are prone to make some mistakes along the way.

The desire to be accepted by others is only natural, but when you have to change the core of who you are or if you have to lose integrity in order to be accepted it is unacceptable. Live with conviction, honor and always be true to yourself.

Random thoughts Oct 19th 2018


I have found at times we tend to get stuck in a certain way of thinking. We get focused on one or more negative thoughts that we for some reason we believe we can not let go of. If you focus on negative thoughts you leave no room or time for all the positive thoughts trying to break through. We allow outside influences to control or lead or way of thinking as well, mental and emotional discipline is something very few have at a high level and is something we all need and could use.

Many Eastern world philosophies and religions focus on centering the mind and controlling emotions. Methods such as meditation and physical arts such as Thai Chi and yoga also can help with mental/emotional discipline. To allow circumstances and external influence such as other people around us and their beliefs and opinions to control our mood and state of mind is basically surrendering all to chance and happenstance.

Humans have the unique ability to choose what they feel, think and do through their will, This is what makes humans one of the most unique species on the planet. When one learns to control their emotions and thoughts there is very little that person cannot do or face in life. Emotions such as fear, anger, jealousy, greed, and pride only hinder your true potential. They are the stumbling blocks of human existence and the enemy of our spiritual advancement.

Life is the greatest treasure we have and when we put material gain and self-gratification above our own life or that of others, we only lose sight of the things in life that truly matter. Take care of the material things but do not let the true treasures of life be put on the back burner.

Live life fully by your own will, treasure those things in life that truly matter to you and do not allow the opinions of others nor the trap of greed and envy stand in the way of your true happiness. Be the master of your mind and heart, live life as the master of your own destiny.

 

 

 

 

Random thoughts Oct 17th 2018


Life is fleeting, shorter than we want to believe or know. We always believe tomorrow a person we love will be there by our side. We lose that person be it permanently due to death or in other ways such as divorce and regret not treating the other person better, loving them more than we did. We get so caught up in our own little reality bubble we forget about the importance of loving one another and enjoying the day with loved ones.

When they leave us and we face the loss we see that many of the things we believed were important really were of no importance. We put way too much above and before those we love, sometimes we even judge them by ridiculously high standards. Most of the time we expect others to live by our own self-imposed standards or even at a higher standard than we expect ourselves to live by. Instead, we should never impose standards on others, just accept them as the person they are. No person is perfect, nor are they going to think and behave the same as we do. That is individuality, the uniqueness of each person.

This does not mean we shouldn’t want others to improve, do better than they are in life. We should encourage growth and change in others. We just should not feel disappointed or angry if they do not progress as fast as we would like or if they chose to pursue a path we may see as wrong or dangerous. We should only advise one another and be accepting of the choices we all have the right to make on our own.

Love one another unconditionally, be good to one another, including your own self. Life is short, so do not waste it in regret or in judgment.

Random Thoughts 05-07-2018


Sometimes People walk through their life blind to the great blessings they have around them. They get hung up on either what they don’t have or what they think they should have.  Many get stuck in the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence mentality and overlook all green grass and potential in their own yard. Maybe it due to some folks too scared to put the work in to their life and relationships or they feel it is all a lost cause where they are in life. Nothing comes easy in life, nothing comes to be without some mental or physical effort.

You want a better life you have to work at it, work on changing yourself , the environment you are in and the circumstances that surround you. First thing is to get rid of both the negative and defeatist mentality that holds you back and keeps you from seeing not only the blessings around you but the potential blessings and happiness you can obtain.

Happiness is something you have within yourself, it is something that you alone create and maintain. Outside influences can affect your happiness but only as long and as much as you allow them too. In the end it is you that decide to be happy or not.  Most unhappiness comes from setting you goals way too high or expecting too much out of yourself and others. Do things in baby steps and try to see you are only human and so are those around you. We all are prone to make mistakes and we all at one time or another fall short of the expectations of others and even our own self.

Instead of dwelling on the mistakes, shortcomings and where we may lack in our abilities etc. , we should be focusing on the positive circumstances and experiences along with our known abilities. Work with what you have and add to it as you move forward, stop looking backwards and look ahead. Glancing back occasionally is fine if you do it for retrospection and to see where you went wrong in order to avoid the same mistakes, but it is not good to dwell on the past mistakes in such a way you let it fill your heart with despair and doubt.

Learn from your past mistakes but do not punish yourself beyond the moment they had happened. Grieve and move on, remembering the lessons learned not the pain associated with them.  This is why forgiveness is so important, not only does forgiveness release the person who done the wrong but it heals the person that had been wronged. Carrying grief, anger and remorse only holds one down and back from being the happy and loving person they are meant to be.

If you can move on from your past mistakes it frees you up to focus all that energy and time towards changing your life and yourself. You become free to be yourself and live life the way you are meant to. Gives you the time to tend to your own garden or yard per se and make it greener than any grass on the other side of the fence.

In a nut shell negative emotions are meant to teach us and be there to warn us, they are meant to be in the moment not a lifelong experience. Our life is what we make of it , we are the masters of our own life and destiny. How you live your life and how happy you are in it is your personal choice and responsibility.

 

Well there is my random thoughts today, just an average mans opinions and thoughts. May you find happiness and serenity in your life, always remember to think for yourself and question everything.

Ray Barbier

Random Thoughts 5-52018


When we are young we live life with vigor and let our true selves shine like the morning sun. As time marches on we learn to hide most of our true nature and personality in order to conform and to avoid being labeled an outsider or freak.  We will spend many decades behind a mask of our own design to protect ourselves and avoid the problems that one faces being different. Conform for work, conform for friends and in many ways conform and hide ourselves to keep harmony in our family.

Being true to oneself, being who you really are deep inside is something we owe to ourselves and the world we live in. That Diversity within personalities, beliefs and idealism is what makes the human race a force to be reckoned with. It was those who stood up against the norm and the general beliefs of their time that has pushed humankind forward, it helped us all to grow as a species and advance our knowledge and wisdom. Many of the greatest explorers and inventors were not what you would call conformists or mainstream in thinking or behavior . It’s those who push their limits and think out side of the box by being who they are to the fullest that have made some of the greatest discoveries.

Because everyone does something or believes something to be true does not mean it is so, it’s those who dare to question and explore the alternative ideals and ways that usually make the greatest discoveries and help mankind to move forward.  Do not put limits on your imagination and do not hide who you are from yourself and others. Be yourself to the maximum and practice free thought without limitations.

Of course Society needs some rules of conduct so we know how to and how not to behave in public, but this is not to say we can not be ourselves as long as we know where to put on the brakes. Behaving Civilized does not restrict one from being themselves , just keeps them from going too far is all.

Be yourself, Live life with vigor and with both respect for others and yourself. Walk with compassion and understanding as your guide. Remember we all have feelings and we all need help at one point or another in life. That person who you helped by buying him or her a dinner could be you if circumstances happen to change in your life. There is no guarantee tomorrow will come or that you will be employed beyond today.

Life is like an adventure and you are the explorer, you and the experiences you have in life are the best teachers you will ever have.

Peace and Serenity be yours

Ray Barbier